Bitter.... Sweet

So I have been unsure how to start this post but knew it was blog worthy. I am talking about my Christmas Present I received this year from my mother. Now before I start this post I want you readers to know that I have told my mother that I would be blogging about this and that I was going to be honest about what I was feeling that Christmas morning and that it is not intended to hurt feelings, this is just a BIG oL deal and something I want to have written about to look back on, so here goes...

I knew this Christmas my mother had been working on something special, she cant barely keep secrets when she excited about something, so a couple of months prior to chirstmas I has started piecing things together not "digging" for info I just never forget anything and as time rolled along things started to click...

to give you some Ideas of what I am talking about here is one early morning while my hubby was still asleep his txt msg alert sound went off on his I phone, for those of you I phone users you know that the phone displays the text message on the front of the phone, I looked to see what it was and saw a txt from my mother to my hubby saying I need you to do me a favor but I need you to keep it a secret... I never said anything about it to him or her i just thought hu i wonder what that could be... few weeks later same scenario but this txt read hey, you think you can get me what i needed you to get for me today?

fast forward to thanksgiving, I was sitting on the sofa with my mom looking at the black friday adds when she says to her mom " hey mom, where did you get those things done again, my grandma says "Michael's" at that moment I remembered my grandmother putting together mikes and his fathers army jackets in these shadow box things... in which my mom replied to yeah, thats where I am going...

so like I said i began piecing info together, later that thanksgiving day we were at my grandmas digging through her old christmas decorations and we all got to pick what we wanted for our houses as they no longer put up a tree b/c they are in arizona during christmas, so it was very sentimental listing to all the family history behind certain pieces, My grandmother also gave me my old rocking chair that she bought for me when I was a little girl and I was so excited to be taking it home with us that night not our little Jada Bug, this is when I heard my mom lean into nick and say shes so going to love her Christmas present this year because she is getting into all this sentimental stuff...


ok sorry i know I am making this long and I haven't even gotten to the bottom line here... so any who, with all of this info stirring in my head, I never once asked nick to spill the beans, I never even told him i saw the txt msgs from my mom, and I never looked back at his phone to see his replies to see if i could figure out what the "it" was I just knew it was a surprise that she was working on for christmas...


few weeks past thanksgiving I am at home now watching say yes to the dress and I thought Oh my wedding dress, thats still at my mothers house, I should get that out of there and bring it home and put it in the spare bdrm down stairs, they had just gotten a cat and I didn't want to take any chances even though it was in a bag, and also she had been asking me to pick up some of my other things that have been at her house so I figured I would go pick it up.

I headed to her house, no dress, it wasn't any where I had seen it before, not in my sisters closet, not in her closet, no where...my heart began pounding out of my chest but I knew it couldn't be too far... I just was very nervous and I guess at this point you can say I began to speculate that my christmas present was going to involve my wedding gown...

but what? was she going to preserve it? that about all I could think of, until I remembered this one time early on in my engagement after I found my dress talking with her about a show she had seen on TV where they took the mothers wedding gown and made like a photo album cover for their wedding album and then used extra material to make like a baby pillow for the nursery... OMG , OMG, OMG, OMG was my mother going to cut up my dress?!?!?!


I replayed all the bits and pieces of info i had retained and quickly dialed my husband,

I told him i was at my mothers house to pick up m dress and it wasnt there, and I know she is planning something nice for this christmas that she has put alot of work into, but i need to know does this involve my wedding dress because it is not here...

he was quiet and then says chels, honestly I don't know, your mom was talking about doing alot of different things, and I am not sure what her final decision was... ( see he wasn't giving any info up and like i said i wasn't digging, but at this point i was panicked)


so I left my moms house without my wedding gown that day, hoping that on christmas morning I would see it again, and that is was just preserved.

we arrive christmas morning to my mothers house and I see a very large box under the tree that my little sister kept saying chels that big one is yours!!! she was so excited for me to open it...

then came my turn to open the gift...

and this is what i unwrapped..

I was so nervous as I pulled off each piece of paper, and i stood in the back of it, and at some point my body tensed up because I realized that the size of this box was not going to be able to fit my "whole" dress in it, by this point i kreeped around to the front b/c i wanted to look at it, but i didnt want my mom to see my face as i was unsure of what it looked like at this point and i didnt want to hurt her feelings because i knew she put so much hard work and money into doing this, but OMG my wedding dress was chopped in 1/2...

I didn't get to see it one last time, I didn't get to show Jada, I didn't get to see Jada try it on, I didn't get an option of what I wanted to do with it...


So i placed my hand on the box and mumbled, its Pretty... but I couldn't help but look at it and feel some sort of creapy feeling, like it almost looked like it belonged to someone who died and never got to wear their gown so it was framed as this piece... crazy I know but thats what it felt like at the time..


this was me in my dress just a year and a few months prior

My mom then started to speak up and say chels I know your feeling a little upset right now, and you probably want to cry and thats ok, and thats when the tears started flowing and my lip started to quiver off my face and she kept talking, I know you wanted Jada to see your gown , or try it on, or give her the option of wearing it, and i am sure that is why you are really feeling sad is that right? and shook my head yes and then she said " now open this"

so i opened another box and this was inside.

this was a gown made 100% from my wedding gown from all three layers, down to the beading... my tears started to flow even more, my mom says, this is a christening  gown that ALL your babies will be able to wear not just Jada, and so she will get to wear your wedding dress one day.

close up of the front with the bead work, side view of the bunching with the beading

back view..

So at this moment I was an emotional mess, I loved this idea, and I loved the gown that my babies will be able to wear and that it had such meaning but then at the same time my dress no longer existed... It was a hard moment, and I will admit, still is hard to grasp, but I know that one day down the line I will be very grateful for this and I will appreciate it for all that it is, right now it is just hard to know that my dress is gone, and to be honest I know it was just siting in a closet before and now it is displayed for people to see and it is in a keep sake box, but it was just a year ago that i was married... I think i would have been ready for this in a few years, or maybe if I was even asked before it was done....


but now I have a beautiful gown that My baby Jada will be able to wear for her dedication and I have a shadow box to display my gown, veil , and tiara. it is still going to take some time getting used to but I do think both items are very beautiful, bittersweet I guess you could say.