its a new year right, I am ready for new beginnings, and have been mentally preparing for quite a large new beginning for the last 9 months, and I find myself still waiting. here is the skinny.
I went to the Dr's office today because yesterday I had a little leakage and more mucus plug and just wanted to see where I was at, I had been having contractions but honestly at this point I am starting to doubt to even call them that, just because there is not the progress like I have wanted. we got there today and lay on the table waiting, not having felt any contractions since last night, and feeling a bit bummed about that, my midwife walks in. I lay back and she uses a speculum to swab to see if I had in deed ruptured my water, but before she even swabbed she said, nope, your still in tack, she did also use the tissue paper trick thing as well where the paper is to turn blue if it was leaking your amniotic fluid, and well mine stayed the same color. She then checked my cervix and left me with the same information as monday, still only a fingertip Dilated. but she assured me again that my cervix is in a great position.
I asked her what is going to happen come monday, she said monday if we check you out and everything looks good with baby on ultra sound we will suggest taking cervidil that day and Tuesday if nothing happens monday evening. this will be used to soften my cervix making it more responsive to contractions. this would be the fist step in the induction process, but when I leave monday there will be a date set for the induction to take place in the hospital, which would be before Friday of next week because that would be my 14th day past the estimated due date.
this by far has been the toughest part for me through out this whole pregnancy. I have been fortunate enough to have a non complicated pregnancy, no morning sickness... no bad pains, I can even still cross my legs.... I have very much enjoyed this pregnancy and feel as though I have made a connection with my baby very early on, I knew when we got pregnant that I wanted a natural birth, and have been extremely pleased with how healthy the pregnancy has been, it never made me doubt that there would be another way. now being 41 weeks pregnant tomorrow, I have realized that I am unsettled with the idea that I may need some help to get my body started in the birth process.
I know to some, they cant understand this, but to each their own. this is what I have wanted, and planned for. and now knowing that plans may be changed is just making it hard. yes the ultimate goal is to hold my little baby girl in my arms and I just want to get her here the safest way possible, In my heart for the past 9 months that way has been non medicated, but now approaching a deadline, and my body showing such slight progress, I am trying to prepare and ready myself for the other options.
for those who know me know this is hard, and I just ask that you please send prayers our way for a healthy delivery of our little girl, because that is what is most important.
Nick and I are both so ready, the finish line of the old is staring us in the face and we are so ready to start with the new.