One year and a day ago

Tomorrow at 10:48 (PM) I will be a  mother to a one year old. One year and one day ago I was sitting on my sofa with a box of chocolates making videos to my dear sweet unborn child begging for her to come out. I can remember getting dressed to go to my over due appointment where my midwife performed an ultra sound to check on J and make sure she had enough fluid around her, I remember thinking maybe when I get there she will tell me oh my word child we need to get you over to the first available birthing suite because you are in labor! well and that didn't quite happen.  instead I left with tears streaming down my face because tomorrow I would be induced.

I came home, ate, and ate and ate, and bounced around on our med ball hoping for a miracle, J was now 11 days past due.  I decided to give up and watch the bachelor, by the time the show ended my contractions were five minutes apart. I went to bed with a smile on my face because I would soon be a mom.

 fast forward to now, When talking with my husband he will say he knows it's been a year, a year is a year and she has been here that long. and then there is my view..... I can't wrap my brain around it.   I look at her with amazement remembering those nights when I would lie awake holding onto my enormous stretched belly and feel her rolling around and kicking, laying there wondering when she would enter the world, would she be early, late? or who would she look like? would she latch on easy, do I have everything I need to bring her home from the hospital, is m house clean enough to bring her home to, will I know what to do as a mommy, and now here we are almost a year later and we have all survived, now, and it has been an amazing year, more than I ever expected.

becoming a mother has brought more joy to my life than one could imagine.  I am so thankful for both my husband and my daughter.  Words cant express my gratitude that I have for my husband for sharing in the dream of me staying home raising our child/children to come. I no longer wake up to an alarm clock, instead it is the sounds of my sweet girls giggles and sometimes cries, I no longer have a clock to punch, but have a little hand to hold.

My contractions began at roughly 9:30 (tonight) only a year ago, I finished watching the bachelor and then went to bed, remembering what I had learned in birthing class, that giving birth was going to take strength so sleep when possible.   by midnight I was doubled over with pain, I crawled to the bathroom on all 4's and began to time my contractions, they were now 2 and 1/2 minutes apart.

I wake up my husband

he calls the Doula

I could no longer talk through the pain

we load up the car, and off to the hospital we go

only to be told I was 1 cent dilated and needed to go home

here I am facing this day one year later, watching my little J walk around the house saying "uh oh" as she drops a toy, or "Mama" when she wakes from her nap. And I sit in pure amazement. how did a year pass already, the girl I once dreamed of meeting is now sitting on my living room floor playing with her toys.

I love her, more than she will ever know, because sadly we still have to go through the " I hate you mom stage"  and the " you never let me do what I want to do" stage and all the other stages, but I look forward to them. because one day I will be sitting looking back on where we have come.


I love you Jada, and thank you for making me a Mom.